I am a Prisoner of Words unsaid.

People

2010-03-31T23:40:00.000-07:00

There is a difference between being alone and being lonely.

I'm fucking lonely.

Profound thought

2010-02-28T01:15:00.000-08:00

If we're going to a better place after death, then why fear death?

It was a bad night.

2009-12-12T08:19:00.001-08:00

You know what the worst sound in the whole world is?

Hearing your own mother screaming in agony.

Thoughts of a Reject

2009-06-14T00:59:00.000-07:00

Why am I so ugly?
What did I do wrong?
What did I say?
What did I do?

Do I exude some putrid odor?
Is there something wrong with my face?
Am I fat?

I need to lose weight.
I need to stop eating.
I need to go on a diet.
I need to work out.

I NEED TO STOP THINKING.

Maybe...
He's sick.
Or away from home.
Or his internet broke down.
Or he got in a car accident.
Or maybe he works late shifts now.
Or he went on a trip and got stranded on a desert island and is waiting for me to come rescue him with a helicopter where we'll fall so far in love and never leave each other.

Maybe...
He just doesn't want to talk to me.

I love you.

2009-05-21T02:56:00.000-07:00

Dear Mom,
I love you

You keep saying you're getting too old for anything
And you're at such an amazing age. You're 60.

But you have the surgery scheduled for next year.
And you just got hearing aids.
And every time I hug you, everything seems to hurt.

And I can tell,
Day by day,
Week by week
You're getting weaker and weaker.

And....
I just don't want you to go yet.

So I just want to say.
I love you. Alot.
Please stay longer.

Love Kristian

Two Perspectives

2009-04-23T02:45:00.000-07:00

Dear God,

Please make me pretty
I know you made me, me
But sometimes,

I wish I looked like the guy on T.V.
Instead of having a PhD in philosophy.

If I were beautiful and dumb,
At least then I wouldn't be smart enough to care.

But I guess this is the life I lead
And I should be content with what you've given me

So thank you God.
Amen

_________________________________________________________

Dear God,

Please make me smart
I know you made me, me
But sometimes,

I wish I were smarter than a fifth grader
Instead of on the cover of GQ and the Enquirer

If I were smart and average
At least I'd be able to understand what ever one says all the time

But I guess this is the life I lead
And I should be content with what you've given me

So thank you God.
Amen

No More

2009-03-06T10:48:00.000-08:00

I don't know where I'm going
I just hope he'll be there
And everyday I just keep trying
To find someone who cares

The world just keeps on saying
"You'll never find your true love"
And why does everyone keep saying
"You're too young to be in love"

But I know, I know
Where I want to go
Where I want to be
And I know, I know
Where I want to go
Where I want to be

Everyday I am dreaming
Of what my life will be
Like a house with a white picket fence that I've
Only heard of in stories

A kid and a dog in the park playing
Across from where we live
But then I wake up and realize
I've slept in an hour again

I know, I know
Where I want to go
Where I want to be
I know, I know
Where I want to go
Where I want to be

I just want to be in love
No more shattered pieces
No more crying faces
I just want to be in love
Have someone to hold you
Have someone to want you
I just want to be in love

Cause I'm tired of waiting for you.

I know, I know
That it may be naive
That I might be young
But I know, I know
Where I want to go
Where I want to be

This is an unfinished work.
There is still stuff I would like to add, and eventually I'm going to record it.

Life goes on

2009-02-04T09:38:00.000-08:00

We run around
In fields of green, yellows and blues.
She's crazy they say
But they don't understand
You're just happy
And life goes on

We walk to school early
With gray skies, dark clouds and raindrops
She's dull they say
But they don't understand
It's just routine
And life goes on

We lie on the floor
When the sunken cheeks show,the closed eyes watch and hands cover their heart.
She's sad they say
But they don't understand
How broken she is inside

But life goes on

Untitled

2009-01-29T22:33:00.000-08:00

Why can't you understand?

All I want is to be loved.
But alas, I have never truely been.

I don't try.
No.
I don't want.

To go.

To go.

From arm to arm.
From bed to bed.

Because you must understand.

This is the only love I know.

A Life Complete

2009-01-24T16:24:00.000-08:00

It's frigid outside
The sky's a grey hue
Yet even in this winter
I'm thinking of you
Here comes the rain
Flooding in
Yet even in my chaos
I'm thinking of you

Cause you
Are what I need
My life is complete
My life is complete
You're what I need

Here come the clouds
Dangle them over me
I won't go astray cause of darkness
I'm hanging in
Generate a storm
Bring it to me
I won't be shaken
I will not subside

Cause you
Are what I need
My life is complete
My life is complete

I am am no longer weak
I am no longer gullible
I refuse to let the enemy triumph over me
Cause it is finished
It is finished

Here comes the sun
Shining on me
Penetrating within
For all to see

If you guys want to see a video of me singing it, send me your youtube account, cause it is a private video.

The fight

2008-11-29T23:47:00.000-08:00

It's not fair
Having to compete with perfect skin

It's not fair
Having to compete with perfectly chiseled bodies

It's not fair
Having to compete with an Adonis

It's not fair
Having to compete with great personalities

It's not fair
Having to compete against those stronger than you

It's not fair
Having to compete with stereotypes

It's not fair
Having to compete with the wealthy

It's not fair
Having to compete with beautiful voices

It's not fair
Having to compete with astronomical talents

It's not fair
Having to compete with friends

It's not fair
Having to compete with family

It's not fair
Having to compete.

Are you proud of me?

2008-11-29T19:14:00.000-08:00

Someone once asked me,
Are you getting married?
I told them I didn't know.
They asked if it was because I didn't want to get married.

No.
It's not that.

I dread the day I wed.
Not cause of my man.
Not cause of my friends.
Not cause of all the people that might dissapprove.
It's not that.

I don't care about protestors.
I don't care about angry church leaders.
I don't care about homophobes, bashers or haters.
It's not that.

You see, I love my parents.
And they love me.
I told them I was gay.
They were ok with it.

But sometimes I can see that in their eyes
they just don't want it to be true.
We never talk about who I like, or who he was
Or what bar I went to on the weekend.

We don't talk about my future,
How I want children
A house with that white picket fence
With a park, a playground, and big blue skies.

It's their eyes.
Full of dissappointment.
When I look at their faces
Right before the altar.
Their fake smiles
Hiding the pain
They have in their hearts.

I fear, looking at them holding his hand
I fear, seeing them clap for me as we kiss, yet not meaning it
I fear, they will love me less
I fear, they will always hate him
I fear, to see the dissappointment in their eyes.

Again.